Yesterday was an off day for the kids. So much screaming. So much frustration. So many things like: “I want food but not that food but now that you take it away I want it and now I want to feed myself just kidding I’m gonna throw it on the floor and then stop screaming and beam at you because I’m so cute, right?”
Yeah. Not cute. But you’re forced to laugh, because the only alternative is to add to the screaming, which is a definite no-go. In the spirit of becoming more child-like but not child-ish, I had to wonder whether that is what I am like before God sometimes. You know: Changing my mind all the time, saying yes, then no, then making a mess of what I’m given, getting upset… then looking at him all angry like he doesn’t ever give me what I want, then smiling and asking Him to bless this mess I made and while He’s at it, the mess I’m about to make. Sound familiar? Yikes. That’s when you realize you have a long way to go on the journey to becoming anything close to mature in your faith haha.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of brokenness lately, and often I am most inspired or encouraged by random things I encounter through the day. The following are things I stumbled over and as I sit in front of this mountain they did some work on my heart.
Famous song, sung with male voices, a sure way to melt my heart. The verse that strikes me is one that encompasses both my past year and my next year at once. Break. Dance. breakdance. Give. Take a chance on the big man and learn to live.
It’s the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It’s the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It’s the one who won’t be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dyin’
That never learns to live
Finally, don’t be afraid to explore what it means to be you as you were made to be. For me that means to dive deeper into what it is to be a woman and an image of the femininity of God in the world. This includes accepting the fact that I have feelings and trying to learn not to hate them, passionately. Allow me to get philosophical for 1 second. I think the initial abhorrence to feelings we often have stems from an inherent knowledge that emotions must be subordinate to the intellectual part of the soul. Being as they often are not properly trained to feel what they ought when they ought, we automatically label them “stupid” and forever try to hide the stupid from the public eye. But this is akin to trying to hide your hands whenever you’re around a piano hoping people will think you have no hands rather than discover you haven’t trained yourself to play. okay philosophical second over. Stumbled over this quote from a really cool lady named Zooey Deschanel:
“Don’t let somebody steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things.”